Toilet Clogged With Copious Condoms Clued In Cops To Male Prostitution Ring

Austin police said they uncovered a prostitution ring at a Northwest Austin massage parlor after a waste pipe at the business became clogged and destroyed by hundreds of condoms, according to an arrest affidavit filed on Tuesday.

The affidavit said police were tipped off about possible prostitution on Feb. 7 from a realty company that had recently taken over a property in the 11400 block of North FM 620.

One of the tenants of the property was listed as Jade Massage Therapy LLC.

The affidavit said several other tenants had expressed concerns that prostitution may have been going on at the business, and that an industrial disposal unit connecting the property to the city’s sewer service was found clogged with condoms.

Austin police Human Trafficking and Vice Unit Sgt. Kevin Covington said the clogged disposal system was one of several pieces of evidence that led to the bust.

“I was like, ‘you’ve got to be kidding me,’” he said. “It’s not the normal tip you would get, or lead you would get on a place committing criminal activity, but it happened, so that helped us out.”

A toilet filled to the brim with used condoms is certainly problematic but what else are you supposed to do when you’re in a male prostitution ring? Can’t have condoms just laying around all over the joint! I assume this is talkin bout gay sex, too. If that’s the case, let’s do a little simple math. You have two condoms per fuck. I think. If you are trying to really get your money’s worth, you gotta fuck at least 5 times a day, right? That’s 10 condoms.

If you’re in a prostitution ring, you gotta assume that a ring consists of at least 5 other people. Four people or less isnt a ring of prostitutes. It’s actually called a gaggle of prostitutes. People forget that.

Anyway, that’s 50 cum-filled condoms going down the pipes a day. I’m not a plumber but that’s not good. At MAX you want 20 condoms in the pipes a day. We just haven’t gotten to the point in plumbing technology where we can shove 50 rubbers down the hatch every day. It’s a sad but true reality.

As unpleasant as the smell might be, you gotta throw your rubbers in the trash. I know. I know. Cum freakin stinks but pipes are expensive and if you don’t, you’re gonna get arrested for the prostitution ring. No question about it.